Cancer Journal

It has been a while since I have had a posting. Actually I tried a while back, trying to paste something I had written for my writing group but the right hand margin ran off to infinity and I could not figure out how to reel it in. I stopped my efforts, thinking that maybe it would be better next time I tried. I was not planning on next time going this long. The piece I was going to post was, in the meantime, accepted for publication by Volume One, the local arts and entertainment periodical. So, instead of trying to reproduce it, I am offering a link:  https://volumeone.org/articles/2024/01/10/333488-soapbox-night-light  My wife and I are in Arizona now. We have timeshare points that will expire if we don't use them up and then, it is very nice to be south of Wisconsin in January. Right now we are by Tucson (Oro Valley) where the sun is shining and temps in the mid 70s. A fat cat life we live. Not quite what I feel comfortable with but the adjustment is something I a...

 I have entered The Window of Death.  Sounds momentous, ominous, doesn't it?  Especially with the caps and the definite article.    I use the term with some but not total irony.  When I was first diagnosed with stage four cancer that was of an aggressive nature ( 8 on the 10 point Gleason scale), I was told that I had three to seven years to live.  That was three years, one month ago.  Shortly after, I wrote the following poem:                                        Steaming Into Port    I see the ship up over the horizon  Its presence and position not obscured by fog.  Its progress imperceptible except that   After not watching, it’s bigger when I look back.   Not much question where it’s heading   It’s coming, straight line, right here.   The Good Ship Mortality.   It concentrat...

I had my PSA checked again today.  Again, it was too low to be detectable. I have joined a cancer support group that meets twice a month.  It is for those who have survived cancer for quite a while--we call ourselves long haulers.  It's been three years for me which qualifies me as a long hauler but I'm the shortest hauler there.  5-6 of us sit around in a circle.  The talk about our cases, other's cases, how kids have handled the news (it grows them up fast) insurance complications etc.  There is plenty to talk about.  Even though my case is the most trouble-free there, I do have things to say.  Universals that resonate for all.  I am happy to participate in my community, albeit, one that is a secondary part of my life. One of the members advised that we listen to "It's Okay" by Nightbirde.  The song is on YouTube.  A live performance is there  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU3Avwch3gw but also a recording with the lyrics s...

   Down, Down.  Down to the Ground.  That’s what happens, alright.  Following a schedule of its own.  Each flight, a pleasant flutter,  except that it bespeaks  bare trees and falling snow. There is a sort of death as leaf leaves tree,  its photosynthetic work done. The final act, full of excitement and daring, as the kite flier who jumps off the cliff, Its destination, a dark moldering. Nature’s composter as it converts to soil. No need to be goosed by some store-bought enzyme. It will come back to earth in its own good time. There to continue its gentle organic cycle in a kind of reincarnation. Here is my most recent poem, submitted to my writer's group. Some discussion as to whether the guy jumping off the cliff might be a para-sailor although they may be over water. Someone thought that "a kind of reincarnation" was 'mealy mouthed'. It should be simply "reincarnation". Gee, I think that is wrong. Reincarnation is a different deal and...

 I had an appointment with a physician's assistant yesterday and learned that when I had a CT Scan of the calcium in my blood vessels which measured zero, what that in fact meant was that there is no plaque in there.  So statins, not gonna get me!  I may have mentioned before that a test of my cholesterol was done which found that it comes in unusually large chunks which is what you want.  Little chunks find a place to get stuck in and the accumulation of those blocks the arteries.  I also had an EKG this last week (I think that was what it was.  I get my medical initials mixed up) but no results back--although I did have a pleasantly frank conversation with the technician doing the thing about how awful it is to raise adolescents but that it gets better.  The test will tell if there is something funny with my heart which accounts for a slightly irregular heart beat.  It goes "bump, bump, bump, bump, bip, bump...."  I am told that it is PAC o...

 I had  calcium CT scan a little while ago.  It is intended to measure the plaque in your veins. a buildup of plaque is why you don't want a high cholesterol count.  At least I think that is all how it goes.  I go in next week to talk to the PA who ordered the test and can explain the results.  Anyway, I read the result and I am at zero.   I think that must mean that I have no plaque at all.  Meaning, I think, that I really don't have to worry about cholesterol.  I have had a high enough cholesterol number that they have discussed putting me on statins.  If they have a way of telling how much plaque is in your blood veins, I don't know why the test is not routinely done.  I would prefer that the explanation not be the cynical one, namely that doing the test would reduce the number of statin perscriptions that doctors would write.  I'm afraid that is the most plausible reason.  I will know more after talking to the PA ...

Perhaps I have a resistance to breaking into three figures on my blog entries. I don't think it is that. Just more on the subject of #99a. I was at a poetry reading affair over the weekend. I visited with a lady there who was born in the same year as I, 1949. She has a few months on me but we had parallel young baby boomer experiences. I was not drafted because of a high draft number. Her husband at the time was 6'5", too tall to be in the service. We agreed those times were tumultuous in a way something like today.   We talked about careers. I told her a slopped into a job as Administrative Law Judge that suited my aptitudes and personality strengths just by dumb luck. She said that her daughter was a judge. I asked her name and learned that she was the same judge that had had the trouble with the Amish not standing when she entered the courtroom. I did not expostulate about the coincidence of my having just done a blog entry about her daughter. Didn't say anything at...