Cancer/Writing Journal #82

August, 2022

Missing High School Class Reunions

My friend said that she does not go to high school class reunions.

I said that I don’t either.  I can guess why she doesn’t.

She once said that she avoids all eye contact when she goes into a restaurant.

She might see someone with whom she had made out in the back of the room.

For myself, I have a fresh recollection of the break after lunch, before afternoon class.

A lot of animated fun, easy sociability.  I watched but did not participate.

Awkward, sure that my social failings were obvious for all to see.

I later went to the library, looked at magazines, withdrawn from the field.

"Oh you poor pathetic fellow!"   Ah well.  I survived it.  Indeed, I have acquired an easy sociability with strangers that my sister marvels at and envies.  For my part, I marvel at and envy her capacity for easy sociability with teenagers,  something I never had as a teenager and have not since  mastered.  She would have fit right in with my after lunch fellow students when she was 17 and again when she was 71 (She's 81 now).

This was my writing submission for August.  I gained some surprised sympathy since, as I said, I do fine (most of the time) around people now.  Key to my self confidence I am betting was holding 25,000, give or take, hearings during my work career.  Everyone is nice to the judge if they know what's good for them (only a few did not) and that does wonders for your self esteem.

However, as Wordsworth said, the child is father to the man.  Adolescence is formative.  I am, for all my confident ways, essentially an outsider I think.  A watcher more naturally than a participant.  This was remarked upon in the writing group as a characteristic common among writers.  A keen observer but not much for doing.

And then my poor friend!  Calls for some comment but I don't know what.  If I were picking reasons for not going to high school class reunions, I'd go with mine.

I see the cancer PA this upcoming Tuesday after I have had my PSA measured.  I will, as a novelty, have cancer be the subject of the entry I do after that.