Cancer Journal # 72 March 12

 I mentioned in the prior blog entry about Vitamin C infuser, A, that we were joined by a loud, exuberant woman (her name is Jan) just starting out on Vitamin C.  She joins my good friend, Maria and me and Oh My, we have such fun!  Noisy;  they probably hear us way down the hall but unlike A, Maria isn't chased away by the decibels.  She may turn up her own volume nob as do I.  

Hearing things and telling things never uttered to another human being.  Maria referred to her time with Jan after I leave as "Wellness Happiness Hour."  Jan said the three of us together is The Breakfast Club which causes me a clang of recognition and agreement*.  Breakfast Club for old folks!  Cancer, I suppose, stands in for the bad/stupid principal.  Jan thinks it's a pity that kids don't have a chance for the life enhancing closeness that was in the Breakfast Club and with the three of us.  But then she doesn't see it happening because the kids would just have their noses in their smartphones.  It occurred to me that if they were to redo the movie, they should have the principal take away the smartphones when they come in for detention.   Pointless and stupid thing to do but then have it turn around for good because the kids then make face to face connections.

I tell Jan, in faux explanation for something, I forget what, "You are loud, Jan."  She says, "Shut up, Charlie."  She reports that her daughter advises her to use her "indoor voice".  I thought about it.  I don't think "indoor voice" Jan works.  I say (and I told her) "Blare away, Jan."  Jan is sensitive--odd in a loud blunt person.  I tell her that when things are right with Jean and me, they are really right.  All sorts of laughter and joy.  If someone were to watch us in a restaurant, they would think that we were newly dating and that things are really clicking, not a couple married for 40+ years.  Tears roll down Jan's cheeks.  I say, "Jan, you're a sucker."  She says, "I know."

Jan is widowed within the last year.  Maria is also a widow (along with being divorced and married; what you might call the marriage trifecta).  They report parallel responses and experiences.  Jan's widowhood is fraught.  She reports that she has not opened many of the sympathy cards from quite a few months ago even though she knows there's probably money in some of the cards.  I don't get that but then I'm neither widowered nor sensitive.

The three of us are friends in the fullest way as pairs or the three of us.  I suppose we have cancer to thank, along with the right meshing of our essential selves.  We are so very fortunate--or blessed by the Lord or something.  Anyway, it's good.


* Jan says she does not remember saying this.  My recollection of it is distinct.  Makes me wonder if just possibly it happened in a dream.  Even though she did not remember saying it, she did say "Yay for me!"  I say the same thing.  Dream Jan or awake Jan;  "Yay for Jan!" 

She did say that other stuff about wishing kids could do this but then, smart phones...  I remember thinking this was odd, given what she had said about Breakfast Club but the subject moved on and I didn't raise it.

Comments

  1. Jan CMarch 15, 2022 at 7:34 AM

    Your story brings to mind: 1) how those times when, at a certain job, I sometimes along with others had to work a bunch of overtime and though we hated doing it, it somehow brought us closer, it was a bonding time, 2) how I once had a group of friends who came together, bonding over each of us having recently left a difficult relationship, 3) how my dad, who was a foot soldier in World War II, spoke of the camaraderie with his fellow soldiers, and how they reconnected in later years and met once a year to retell old stories and memories. Only those who had been in that kind of situation could understand what they'd gone through.

    I'm glad you have found that kind of "comrade in arms" during your cancer experience--and I'm glad they found you!

    Yeah, The Breakfast Club just wouldn't be the same with cell phones, would it?

    Best to you and Jean!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. charlieschaeferMarch 16, 2022 at 5:27 AM

      I think of us as members of Tribe Cancer and think that while tribalism gets bad press these days, under the right circumstance, it can be a fine, fine thing. I've heard that 300 years ago, people captured by the Indians really did not want to go back to white "civilization" when they got saved. Caused great consternation among the saviors.

      Delete
    2. Jan CMarch 16, 2022 at 3:50 PM

      I think a tribe can be a positive thing!

      Delete

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