Cancer Journal # 68 Feb 16

Regular readers of this blog are familiar with Jan Carroll, Eau Claire based poet who considers it part of her job as a writer to encourage others to write. Writing reluctance is her enemy that she does battle with whenever she confronts it. I have reported before that when I expressed vague writing aspirations in response to her questioning, she didn't let the matter drop as you would ordinarily expect. Duty done in showing interest in the other person is how it generally goes. But Jan pressed me in a way that caused a little discomfort which really is not in her character. Unless I did something more than express vague aspirations I felt I wasn't going to measure up. She no doubt felt it was a pity if someone wanted to write for them not to be doing it. If it called for a little shove, so be it. It was shortly after that that I joined the writing group I'm now a part of and as one thing leads to another, it surely accounts for blog.

 Anyway, Jan has continued to take an interest and encourage my writing even though the ball is rolling and writing reluctance has been pretty well defeated. I send her most of what I write for my monthly writing group. Her responses are insightful and generous. She regularly comments on my blog entries which I take an inordinant interest in. Writing is such an exercise in vulnerability. A casual comment, either positive or negative (or no comment at all) has such a disproportionate effect. I find myself really ridiculous and I make a semi-effective effort to minimize the effect but it is still there. Knowing that should not be a reason for mindless praise which is unsatisfying in its own way but it is a reason for commenting on good writing and expressing as best you can, what you find good about it. I suppose you could call it the golden rule of writing. 

 Jan sends out a quarterly newsletter that is mostly her poetry. Calling it a newsletter is a little funny but what else are you going to call it? Anyway, following Jan's good example, I comment on it. Also following her good example, I see it as important that my reaction be honest. Her winter newsletter I found just really good. It's a little odd to be doing this but I am copying both my emailed response to her and her response back. It's maybe something of a vanity project on my part but I thought there was sufficient value in the exchange to warrant subjecting myself to the charge of being vain. So, here goes:

 I was affected by this newsletter. All the ways things go bad but that's OK because there is still reason to find love, to stick your neck out and love even as we spill the gravy and don't get the reaction we would like. We still live in a world that is full of generous giving that does not need the cards to fall right to be seen. 

 I loved the way you enumerate all the ways things go wrong. A long and astutely observed list; no Pollyanna you! And yet for all the ways in which things are potential sources of disappointment, reasons to get out of sorts and annoyed, still there is beauty, still there is love, still there is reason for supreme happiness that is not warranted by 80% of what happens. The remaining 20% is so beautiful, maybe more beautiful for its rarity. And to have that to be a reason for holiday celebration! If we can get that, make it part of our approach to what our day to day existence is, it will be such a key to the good life.

 I admire your skill in conveying that message and I am better off for having read this, for having read things I only half knew before but knew well enough to recognize and now know with clarity. That is a fine Christmas gift you have given I hope it has an audience and an audience with ears to hear.

 YFC

 Charlie, thank you so much. Your note is a gift to ME as it describes so well, and so in-depth, exactly what my goal was in writing these poems and what my goal is in all my writing. It's so helpful to me to know that these poems connected with you, and to know how they did. If someone asked me, "How and why do you write poetry?" I could just hand then a copy of your email, it explains it so well. So thank you. 

 YFJ (Your friend Jan)

 Lest you think I just dump sugar on whatever Jan writes, I seriously didn't get her spring newsletter and I told her so. I told her it was foreign to me like a trip to India or someplace where you just didn't know what these people were doing. I did say I found it interesting just as I might find India interesting but as for getting it? Wasn't happening. She responded good naturedly that she was glad to be an India tour guide