Cancer Journal #36 May 30

 I am reading The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee, the celebrated book that bills itself as a biography of cancer.  Seemed like a good idea for me to read it since I have, you know, cancer.  It is so good; the man writes like an angel.  One thing that has been striking me though is how truly awful this thing is.  That has been sobering.  Extended misery and pain, extended decline and then death.  Ugh. 

 I also have wondered if I haven't been presumptuous in some of my blog entries.  Light and irreverent when I hadn't earned the right to do that.  I claim membership in the club.  Hey, I got stage four prostate cancer, scoring eight on the Gleason Scale (that's aggressive).  My bone scan lit up like a night time satellite photo of the Eastern Seaboard.  If that doesn't entitle me to club membership...  But then you ask, "What is your PSA number?  What symptoms do you have?" and I quiet down.  

I have tried to be entertaining, thinking I can do that.  Maybe I've been wrong and should show a little more respect for what others have gone through, are going through.  Maybe I should see myself as more of an outsider, at least right now.  If someone says, "Hey, you don't know!" I better not argue.

Comments

  1. Jan CJune 2, 2021 at 6:30 AM

    I have heard that is a really good book. It's good to be mindful of what others have gone through or are going through, but your experience, day by day, is, well, your experience, and I think it's ok to talk about that. That said, empathy, it seems to me, is always good medicine--for others AND for us. It's striking how much of this cancer journey is about mental and emotional aspects of it, not just the physical aspects. And in a weird way, such a growing and learning experience.

    Love to you and Jean.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cancer Journal #3 Dec 7

         It’s VIP parking at the Mayo Clinic Cancer Center with parking slots a few steps from the door. Speaks more to our presumed physical condition than our importance I suppose but it’s handy, especially if I am running late. The accommodation is not meant for me, at least not right now. In fact, I feel great. I’d never know there was anything wrong with me if they hadn’t told me. Still, the parking is handy.       Inside, people in the waiting room are not doing great. Mostly they are old. A few young ones that I really feel bad for. A woman in her 20s with a slow, unsteady gait and not much light in her eyes. I hope her condition is curable and that this will just be a bad episode in a fully lived life.       I don’t visit with those who are waiting although that would be my natural tendency. We are all masked and social distanced which inhibits conversation. And then, talk loud enough to be heard w...
Read more

Cancer Journal #10 Jan 7

I haven’t said much about the Lord in these blogs. I will change that.              I suppose there are those who, upon getting a diagnosis of aggressive stage four cancer, would be disappointed and indignant. “How could He let this happen? Does He care? Is He even there?” I have not reacted that way, especially not since my recent good numbers but before that too. Let me explain. This is not the place where things are right. I’m expecting such a place but not yet. The rules of the game, so to speak, are that things go wrong. There are disappointments, unfulfilled hopes, wounds to our body and psyche. To complain about that is like complaining that there are 24, not 20, hours in a day.             Terrible things happen to people. In war zones, babies are killed in mother’s arms, parents are killed in front of five year old’s eyes. Terrible things happen in this country now, not so dramatic pe...
Read more

Writing/Cancer Journal #109

  Charlie Schaefer September, 2024 What is Sin? Failure to brush my teeth twice daily? Not staying hydrated with at least 80 ounces of fluid each day?  Failure to check in on a relative whose health is failing but is also a bore?   Getting warm with that one. Dumping oil from an oil change out in the woods?   That’s a bad one which I would never do. Especially since I don’t change my own oil.   The Old Testament prescription for sin–sacrifice of a pigeon, a sheep, a bullock- hardly seems as though it would do the trick, bring the ledger to balance.  The Catholic confessional followed by some Our Fathers and some Hail Marys seems better.  Confession, if done honestly, requires the dark thing be pulled out of the pocket and examined.   And the Our Fathers, Hail Marys could be a source of pleasure  if the obligation element is minimized.  Put your mind in a good place. But I am skirting around the edges, leaving the ugl...
Read more