Cancer Journal #32 May 4

 In Blog #31,  I wrote about prayer and magical thinking which prompted some comments which prompted me to comment back.  Jan Carroll's final comment was that I appeared to be in a good place.  To which I respond, "Yeah, I can talk a good game.  Let's see how I actually do," (and I include myself as among those who might wonder about that.)  

Let me expand on that and sort of justify myself.  I've said in my church that I don't like the maxim that you should practice what you preach.  It's not the maxim so much that I don't like as its corrollary which is that if you don't practice it, you should not preach it.  I don't like to be restricted in that way.  I like to be able to speak up about my aspirations which I pretty much by definition don't practice.  I don't want to wave some kind of false flag and suggest I currently possess virtues that I don't actually have and there's where the risk is, of course.  Too much aspirational talk can turn into hypocrisy and even if it's not too much aspirational talk, it can sound like hypocrisy to those not used to or engaged by that kind of talk.  And it's tiresome to have to throw in the caveat that this is not what I do but what I'd like to do.  So, what I say is, "Don't practice what you preach!"  Just kidding!  Didn't mean that!

By the way, some readers might ask, "Who is this Jan Carroll?  And why is she featured so much in this blog?"  Jan is a poet from in Eau Claire.  Her poetry is quirky and winsome.  Back when there was live music that you could actually go to see with other people around, she and I followed the band Eggplant Heroes and kind of got to know each other there.  She once asked me what my creative outlets were.  I responded with a vague expression of intention to do maybe essay writing and maybe join a writing group.  Generally people don't say anything more when you say that, realizing that nothing much is going on here and preferring to talk about themselves anyway.  Jan didn't do that.  She pressed for more specifics.  I realized, not with any great pleasure, that I better do something more if I didn't want her to bother me more.  I hunted up and joined a writing group that met monthly at the Eau Claire Library (it's been Zoom during these times) a couple of years ago.  I send to Jan whatever writing  I do for the group.  She gives a nicely thought out and generous response to what I send her.  And it has sort of morphed into this blog. 

 Jan has written a couple of poetry books that you could find in Eau Claire at the Local Store if they aren't all sold out.  Or you could google "Jan Carroll poet" and see what comes up.  I don't think she's the only Jan Carroll poet out there so be alert to that.