Cancer Journal #22 Feb 25

     I've got some comments on what I reported in blog #21.  Was I a little flippant?  Maybe more in the rough draft.  What I really don't want is a pious tone.  These things are hard to write about.  Perhaps I was imprudently candid.  Well, as they say, it's out there now.

    One trap I want to avoid is fanaticism.  Some might respond, "Come on!  Finding exit doors out of strongholds is nothing if it's not fanatical!"  All I can do is grin sheepishly and say, "Well, that's the kind of thing we charismatic Christians do."  Speaking of things in the spirit realm is, by necessity, metaphorical/allegorical.  When I pray like this, I have a flow of words come out of me that I am only half choosing.  I speak of fluency in the posting.  I am much more fluent when I'm praying than I would be in ordinary conversation.  I attribute this to tapping into the flow of the Holy Spirit.

I mentioned making a spectacle of myself.  Often, this involves weeping loudly and pitifully.  Surely an alarming event for the uninitiated-and maybe sometimes for the initiated too for that matter.  As I mentioned, I can stop it at any time.  What I can't do is stop it and still be praying with intensity.  And contrary to appearances, I'm feeling just fine.  Is it odd?  Yes, it sure is.  All I can say is-and I don't know this for sure-that there's something in me that can merge with the existential angst of the person I'm praying for.  Sometimes, not always, the person I pray for seems to feel better when I'm done.  I generally do but that's not really the point.

    Why can I do this?  It's not common from my experience, even in the charismatic Christian world.  Let's assume for the moment that it's not a mental abberation and delusion but rather a gift from God.  It's not virtue on my part.  I know, know, know this to be true.  If you don't, I do and I know this about me better than you would.  It's all a heavenly roulette wheel from our vantage point but to try to figure it out, I'd say it's due to a characteristic I inherited from my father.  He could pop off and do some crazy thing regardless of bizarre appearance.  There just wasn't a fence keeping him in the conventional.  I can be the same.  An impulse grabs me and I go off into the don't go there.  It has caused me some trouble but it does allow me, when I think I get a prompt from the Holy Spirit, to approach a person I've never seen before and two minutes later, pray for them in an unusual way.  

    Enough of this for now.  Maybe more about it later.  For now, if you are suffering from existential angst, I can pray for you.  I can do it over the phone.  If you want to see and not just hear my agony, we could do a Zoom call but you'd have to set it up.

    

Comments

  1. Jan CFebruary 25, 2021 at 11:51 AM

    Boy, I hear you on someone else setting up the Zoom call! I just can't quite get that thing to work right, but it works great when someone else initiates it. :)

    Charlie, thanks for talking about this thing you do, for explaining it further. It's interesting to learn about. As a person who can sometimes connect with others empathically, I honor your focus on listening to Spirit, holding the goal of healing for the person, and owning this part of you, even if it seems unconventional to some. It sounds like you're being respectful, not pushing anything on anyone, so why not? There are things in this life that can't always be explained rationally.

    Keeping you and Jean in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete

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